November 12, 2009

Tales from an Army Wife: First Deployment
Installation 5

Disclaimer: Severe drama ahead..please take precaution.


When you first wake up every morning, you slowly open your eyes and see the first hints of sunlight beginning to wash away the darkness of night. You stretch, and take your first few deep, conscious breaths of the day. At this point in the ‘wake-up’ ritual, we are supposed to be thankful. Thankful that we can see, that we do breathe, that the sun is shining its way through our window, that we are alive. I pray that God can forgive me, as I haven’t felt those things the past few mornings, as when I open my eyes to the new day, I feel dread. In my mind, the morning means that another day has been “checked off” on the list. Another piece of the bridge has broken away, heading straight towards the impending chasm of……you guessed it…..departure day of deployment.

The best friend a girl could ever have is on a plane this very minute. She is about to fly all the way from California to see me. There’s a part of me that wants her to get off the plane and unpack her bags. If she gets here, I know what that means. It means that my morning dread is about to come to its full fruition. Right now, I can still wake, feeling the bittersweet sadness, but my husband is still here. Only for 3 more mornings. Where is the rewind button? Since I can’t find it, I know that my bittersweet sadness will soon become sick, like my stomach feels when I think about this..

It’s a bleak day here in Pooler, Georgia. The sky is covered with the remnants of rain clouds, and the wind has been blowing and whistling, quite loudly and eerily, actually. When I awoke, my husband had just risen himself, to get dressed and go to his half day of work. Every second he isn’t with me right now I want to just squeeze him as tight as I can, willing him to stay home, willing this deployment to not happen. I can manage coffee, but other than that, I have no desire to eat.

The “to-do’s” of my earlier entries have been completed. The bags are almost packed. All my questions are answered. All the crazy, polar-tech cold weather wear has been washed and vacuum sealed. The wills and powers of attorney are signed….there is nothing left to do now but wait….wait and pray for the days to “check off’ in the other direction. Wait and pray to get to the stage that everyone promises me I’ll get to: the routine, busy place that I naturally gravitate towards. For those of you who are reading this you’re probably thinking: “Whoever is on the plane from California is awfully brave…..this girl is going to need to some serious help.” Believe me, I know…..